How to help a coach or parent NOT TO lose control

It is the responsiblity of the Referee to maintain control of his/her game.
You are there to MAKE sure that it is SAFE, FUN and FAIR for the players. THAT'S IT.
The sidelines will enjoy the game if you call a game that is SAFE and FAIR to the best of your ability.

If a coach/parent starts to display signs of negative conduct, in a game that is being called by you, in your opinion in a safe and fair manner, you as the referee MUST act.

Examples of conduct that should require some type of action by the referee:

1. Yelling at the referee or just speaking loudly about calls or non-calls.
2. Yelling at or speaking loudly and/or following the AR after AR makes calls.
3. Loud comments to any player that are not Positive, Instructional or Encouraging (PIE)

If these types of action are NOT dealt with quickly you can lose control of a match.
Remember these are not the ONLY types of behavior you can deal with but in general these are the ones you will experience most.

Now it's important to remember that, to start coaches and parents DO NOT come to game ready to display negative behavior. They really just want a FAIR and SAFE game.

This is where the problems start. Most do not understand that it is NOT their place to decide at what level of SAFE and FAIR a game is played. It is the players with the help of the referee. After all soccer is a physical game no matter what others may think.

Now to start, when you notice any of the above, first review your own refereeing style. Is the game TOO physical? Are you letting the players get away with too much? Then adjust your calls. Talk to your ARs to see if they can help. (They are Referees too, and it is a team effort) And ARs, don't be afraid to tell the Center that he/she needs to call certain things. As I was taught years ago, when it comes to fouls, the consequences of INACTION are worse than the consequences of ACTION.

So now, you are still noticing negative actions. Sometimes just a stern look in the direction of the offending person will work. You can use the universal symbol for quite please, finger vertical across your lips. Or maybe just a little comment like,
"Thanks, coach but I got this game". Or "Sir, could you keep you comments positive?"

So none of these worked, what do you do?
Calmly ask the coach onto the pitch and explain that you and your ARs are calling this game to the best of your abilities. This is, in your opinion, the style of game the players want to play. And now you would appreciate it if he/she would restrict any future comments to be along the AYSO required P.I.E. (See above) to the players. Then just walk away, this should be a one way discussion, no need for further discussion at this time.
(If the problem is a parent ask the coach to relay these comments. After all you both really are on the same side with it comes to out of control parents.)

The next steps are entirely up to you. But they can range from Cautioning, Sending off and even suspending a game.
Please note that although you are told that you don't SHOW THE CARDS to adults this DOESN'T mean you can't use them. It is just verbal. "Sir/Coach I am cautioning you for dissent" or "Madam/Coach I am afraid I must ask you to leave".

In U8 in a send off you would just call it a time out, either for the remaining period or the remainder of the game, you decide. And please allow the coach to substitute for the player. Use this tool only for the safety of the other players or for obviously intentional fouls which can effect the outcome of a game.

In U10 this is like regular soccer so use cautions and send-offs as needed, just do it verbally and don't show the cards.

These are all tools at your disposal. Use them as you need, but use them cautiously, as once you use them they are gone, and you must use the next step.

Please at all times keep your cool. Nobody wins when a referee loses control.

Remember one thing, don't be aftaid to use these tools, as they are designed to protect out kids from NEGATIVE experiences, and out of control coaches and parents are nothing but negative. Besides at least 1/2 of the field will be on your side.